The Fifteenminute Assist (500619)
Date: 19 June 1950
Speaker: L. Ron Hubbard
All right- Now, what’s worrying you?
PC: I don’t know.
LRH: What’s the first moment you started to worry?
PC: I started to worry since I got back here after lunch.
LRH: And what happened? Who did you meet when you got back here after lunch?
PC: I met a gentleman named Mr. Ross, to whom I was explaining two or three of the things that had happened to people here.
LRH: And what happened?
PC: I started to worry.
LRH: All right. What did he say that started to worry you?
PC: He didn’t say anything. I started to think on how everybody else had had (sigh) so much better results and I hadn’t done any auditing or nothing. I’m terribly scared.
LRH: Scared of what?
PC: Oh, probably scared to run somebody else and find that it was comparable to what I may find.
LRH: Comparable to what?
PC: I may find.
LRH: In your own bank?
PC: In mine.
LRH: You’re frightened of restimulation?
PC: Apparently LRH: Who have you run?
PC: I have never run anybody.
LRH: You haven’t run anybody. What engrams did you listen to lately that affected you badly? (pause) You can remember this.
PC: None that—none but my own.
LRH: You’ve listened to one of your own?
PC: The—the only one that I—that—that restimulated me badly was this “Margaret, you must always be a lady.” LRH: Hm. You remember that suddenly?
PC: Oh, I haven t thought of anything else practically since last night. And it was too late to run it last night. And it was—I’d been . . .
LRH: You can remember when she said this. Right here in present time you can remember when she said this.
PC: Well, she always said it.
LRH: Yeah, but what’s the first time you recall her saying it?
PC: I was three years old.
LRH: And how—where were you standing?
PC: I wasn’t standing I was sitting in a little rocking chair.
LRH: Now, what’s she say to you?
PC: She said, “Now you must be a lady tonight. Were going out.” LRH: Mm-hm.
PC: “And I want you to be a lady.” LRH: Mm-hm. And what effect did it have on you when she said that, at that time?
PC: Well, I thought, “How foolish. I—I’m going to behave properly.” LRH: All right. What was wrong with being a lady?
PC: Nothing’s wrong with being a lady. Being a lady is fine.
LRH: What’s wrong with being criticized by Mama?
PC: It’s unnecessary.
LRH: What’s liable to happen if Mama criticizes you?
PC: Then I get all tied up inside and I want to cry.
LRH: If Mama criticizes you?
PC: Yes.
LRH: What’s liable to happen? You remember this.
PC: If she criticizes me?
LRH: You can remember what followed one of these things.
PC: There—there . . .
LRH: You can remember what followed one of these criticisms.
PC: I get—I—I—the only thing that I can remember is that she’s such a lady and that I am apparently hoydenish.
LRH: And you can remember her mentioning something like this. You remember her mentioning something like this?
PC: “Margaret, you’re a terrible tomboy.” LRH: Mm-hm. And when did she say this?
PC: I think I was three.
LRH: When did she say this? Where was she? Where were you?
PC: I was in the kitchen.
LRH: And what happened?
PC: And I was dirty.
LRH: Mm-hm. What had you gotten into?
PC: Oh, I was out playing with all the boys, and I was—there were no girls in my neighborhood that I cared particularly about.
LRH: And she said you were a tomboy?
PC: Yes.
LRH: This upset you?
PC: Well, sure.
LRH: Criticism by Mama, very upsetting.
PC: Very upsetting.
LRH: Extremely upsetting?
PC: Oh, terribly upsetting.
LRH: All right. What particular moment that she criticized you, did it really upset you?
PC: I can’t get it.
LRH: There’s a real bad one, when she really upset you. You can remember it. She really upset you.
PC: Well, it’s something about spilling milk on the table. I’ve never liked milk.
LRH: Never liked milk?
PC: No.
LRH: You spilled milk on the table?
PC: Yes.
LRH: What happened to you when you spilled the milk on the table?
PC: I had to go up and get out and eat in the kitchen . . .
LRH: And . . .
PC: . . . with the maid, whom I didn’t like because she wasn’t very bright.
LRH: Mm-hm.
PC: And that type of conversation didn’t appeal to me.
LRH: What happened when you had to go eat with the maid?
PC: She laughed at me.
LRH: She laughed at you.
PC: Yes.
LRH: What’s liable to happen to you if your mother criticizes you?
PC: People are apt to laugh at me.
LRH: Who else laughed at you when your mother criticized you? What body of company?
PC: There was nobody there, it was just a family dinner.
LRH: Just a family dinner.
PC: Yes.
LRH: What did your father say?
PC: My father said, “That damn kid is so clumsy. Get her out of here.” LRH: Mm-hm, Which meant what?
PC: Get her out of here.
LRH: Mm-hm, PC: “Let’s not have this thing around at all” They—it’s a feeling of rejection, complete.
LRH: Mm-hm, You recall him saying this?
PC: Yes. Of course I do.
LRH: Where were you sitting when he said it?
PC: He was sitting at the head of the table; I am at his left.
LRH: Uh-huh, Now, do you remember him saying this and this had to do with . . .
PC: “Get that damn kid out of here.” Sure.
LRH: “Get that damn thing out of there/’ PC: “That damn kid out of there.” LRH: Close your eyes.
PC: Mm-hm.
LRH: The somatic strip can go right back to the beginning of that incident, “Get that damn thing out of there. Get that damn thing out of there.” Contact the first part of that incident. Contact it. Contact it. You can.
What are the first words in it now, honey? What are the first words? When I count from one to five, you’ll give me the first words in sequence. One-two-three-four-five. (snap) You know what they are. “Get that damn thing out of there.” Repeat that.
PC: “Get that damn thing out of there. Get that damn thing out of there.” It’s something that’s in the way, in a room.
LRH: Contact his voice.
PC: Uh—it—it’s—it’s something that’s standing in the middle of the room. Mother’s moving furniture. “Get that damn thing out of there, Lucy” LRH: Mm-hm.
PC: “It has no place in a bedroom.” Now, what is it? I don’t know. A piece of furniture.
LRH: All right. Now let’s go to another incident, another earlier incident. “Get that damn thing out of here.” PC: “Get that damn thing out of there.” LRH: “You’ve got to get that damn thing out of there.” PC: “Got to get that damn thing out of there.” LRH: Contact his voice.
PC: “Let’s get that damn thing out of there.” I can’t.
LRH: Contact your father.
PC: I can’t see him. “Got to get that damn thing out of there.” LRH: All right. Now contact your mother saying this.
PC: “Got to get that damn thing out of there. Got to get that damn thing out of there.” I think just before, she’s trying to get rid of me.
LRH: Well, let’s see what you think. Let’s contact the somatic on it . . .
PC: Well, that’s what I got.
LRH: All right. What’s she saying?
PC: “I’ve got to get that damn thing out of here.” LRH: Go on over it again.
PC: “I’ve got to get that damn thing out of here.” LRH: What else is she saying?
PC: And she’s saying “It’s such a terrific bother.” (sigh) LRH: Go over that again.
PC: “It’s such a terrific bother.” LRH: What else is she saying?
PC: Well, that’s all she says right now. She says—this is what I picked up the other night—”Summer is coming on, and I’ve got all these new clothes, and I can’t be bothered.” LRH: Mm-hm.
PC: “Everybody else is going to have fun and there I’ll be, stuck.” LRH: All right. Go over that again.
PC: The whole thing from the beginning?
LRH: All right.
PC: “Summer’s coming on and I’ve got all these new clothes and I . . .” LRH: Let’s get “I’m afraid. I’m afraid.” PC: “I’m afraid. I’m afraid.” LRH: Go over it again. “I’m afraid.” PC: “I’m afraid. I’m afraid I’m pregnant again. I’m afraid I’m pregnant again.” That’s not right. “I’m afraid.” LRH: “I’m afraid I’m pregnant.” PC: “I’m afraid I’m pregnant. And . . .” (sound of people talking in the background) LRH: “I’m afraid of what will happen to me. I’m afraid of what will happen to me.” PC: Too many people here. Too many people here.
LRH: You mean in this room?
PC: Yes.
LRH: Too many people in the room?
PC: Yes. There are too many people in the room.
LRH: Is it disturbing you?
PC: Yes, it is.
LRH: Okay.
PC: I’m up to present time, Ron. [gap] LRH: All right. Let’s go back on it, honey.
PC: All right.
LRH: There’s nobody else here now.
PC: Uh-huh.
LRH: All right. I want you to tell me now what’s this business, “I’m afraid.” PC: There must be tears connected with it.
LRH: Yes. “I’m afraid.” PC: “I’m afraid.” LRH: What’s she afraid of? “I’m afraid.” PC: (sigh) “To have another baby; I lost the first one.” LRH: “I’m afraid.” PC: “I’m afraid to have another baby. I lost the first one.” LRH: Contact her tears.
PC: “In the first place I don’t want another baby.” (sobbing) LRH: Continue.
PC: “Because my life is so wretched.” (sobbing) LRH: Continue.
PC: (mutter) LRH: Continue.
PC: “I haven’t had a moment’s peace.” LRH: Continue, (pause) Continue.
PC: Oh God, (tearfully) emotional feeling.
LRH: All right. Let’s go back to the beginning of it and run it again, honey. Let’s go back to the beginning, run it again.
PC: “I’m afraid I’m pregnant again. And I don’t want another baby right now because I lost the first one.” (sigh) “And this will probably be a girl and Joe wants a boy so badly.” LRH: Continue.
PC: (gasp) “I’ve got all these pretty clothes and summer s coming on and I’m not going to get to go anywhere.” LRH: Continue.
PC: Yeah, there are a lot of tears, sorry for yourself LRH: All right. Let’s contact the beginning of it now. What’s she saying? Where’s the word “lady” appear in this? “Lady.” PC: “Lately” doesn’t appear LRH: “Lady.” Where does “lady” appear?
PC: Oh, “I’d like to dress up and be a lady or something LRH: All right. Let’s go over that again.
PC: “I’d like to dress up and be a—oh, a lady of leisure.” LRH: Go on over it again.
PC: “I’d like to dress up and be a lady of leisure, and here I think I’m pregnant again and I don’t want to be.” LRH: Continue, honey. Contact her tears.
PC: (sigh) Oh, she’s terribly sorry for herself.
LRH: You know about this. Is your father present?
PC: No. She’s all by herself in the living room.
LRH: “I’ve got to get rid of this thing.” PC: “I’ve got to get rid of this thing somehow. It’s just impossible. Joe is drunk half the time and I lost the first baby and it probably won’t be a boy and that’s what he wants. And the whole thing is impossible to endure.” (sobbing) LRH: Okay. Go over that last one again.
PC: “The whole thing is impossible to endure.” LRH: Go over it again.
PC: “The whole thing is impossible to endure.” LRH: Go over it again, honey.
PC: “The whole thing is impossible to endure.” LRH: All right. Let’s get back to the beginning of it. Contact the earliest moment of it.
PC: “I think I’m pregnant again and I don’t want to be pregnant Here I’ve got all these new clothes, (sob) I don’t want another baby because it probably wouldn’t be a boy and that’s what Joe wants. The whole thing is impossible to be—it’s going—the whole thing is impossible to endure because . . .” (sob) LRH: Continue, honey.
PC: I don’t know.
LRH: Yes you do.
PC: “The whole thing is impossible.” LRH: “I’m afraid.” PC: “I’m afraid I’m pregnant again.” LRH: Continue. And what’s the one about the lady now?
PC: (cough) LRH: There’s one about . . .
PC: “I’d like to get dressed up and be a lady of leisure.” LRH: Let’s contact this.
PC: That’s silly “I’d like to get dressed up and be a lady of leisure in the summer . . .” LRH: Continue, honey.
PC: “. . . I have all these pretty clothes and I want to wear them.” (sigh) LRH: Continue.
PC: I don’t know.
LRH: Yes, you do.
PC: No! Where do I go? (despairingly) LRH: “I’ve got to get out. I’ve got to get this thing out of here.” PC: “I’ve got to get this thing out of here.” LRH: What’s the right phrase there? “Got to get this thing out of here”?
PC: (moan) Oh, no.
LRH: Just repeat the phrase. “Got to get this thing out of here.” PC: “I’ve got to get this thing out of here.” LRH: Repeat the phrase again.
PC: “I’ve got to get this thing out of here.” LRH: Go on over it again.
PC: “I’ve got to get this thing out of here.” (laugh) LRH: Okay.
PC: Oh, oh dear.
LRH: Go over it again.
PC: “I’ve got to get this thing out of here.” LRH: All right. Contact the first part of it.
PC: Oooo!
LRH: First part of the engram now. Let’s run it on through.
PC: Mother’s standing in the living room looking in that oval mirror and she thinks she’s awful cute, and she says, “Oh, I’m—I’m afraid I’m pregnant again and I don’t. . .” Oh, dear, (laugh) LRH: Continue.
PC: (laugh) “Oh my, I want to get all dressed up and be a lady of leisure.” LRH: Continue.
PC: “I’ve got all these pretty clothes.” LRH: Continue.
PC: “And it won’t be a boy and Joe wants a boy, and I don’t see why I should bother anyway because he’s drunk all the time and he probably wouldn’t even know.” And I don’t think that’s right. That doesn’t sound right to me.
LRH: All right. “I’m stuck.” PC: “I’m stuck.” LRH: “I’m stuck” what?
PC: “I’m stuck. I’m stuck with that old buzzard and . . .” LRH: Go over it again.
PC: “. . . and because I am a Mackenzie, and Mackenzies are always ladies, we do not get divorced.” LRH: Oh. Let’s go over that again.
PC: (laugh) “Mackenzies are always ladies and they have a—a status in this town and we do not—we are not divorced, so I’m stuck with him.” LRH: All right. Let s go over that again.
PC: Ummm, “Mackenzies are always ladies, and because I am a lady I will not get divorced and I’m stuck with him” LRH: Uh-huh. Let’s run the whole thing from beginning to end now.
PC: “I am afraid I’m pregnant” LRH: Continue.
PC: “And I have all these pretty clothes and summer s coming on and I want to wear them.” LRH: Continue.
PC: “And if it’s—oh, it’s going to be a girl or something not a boy. And I lost the first boy. And . . .” LRH: Continue.
PC: “I’m stuck with this old drunk. And I’m a Mackenzie, and Mackenzies are always ladies and therefore (laugh) I’ve got to be a lady so I’m stuck with him and I cant divorce him.” LRH: Continue, [gap] PC: “. . . because Mackenzies are always ladies and we just . . .” LRH: All right. Now, is this a different engram or is it the other one?
PC: It seems to me it’s the same thing, were all in the living room at the same time.
LRH: All right.
PC: My mother and I.
LRH: “Got to get rid of this thing.” PC: “Got to get rid of this thing—get rid of this thing.” LRH: “It’s impossible to endure.” There, let’s get that phrase.
PC: “It’s impossible to endure.” LRH: Let’s go over that phrase again.
PC: That’s pretty well gone. “It’s impossible to endure. It’s impossible to endure. It’s impossible to endure.” LRH: All right. Let’s contact the first part of it. Now let’s run it.
PC: It seems to me she’s being very light-minded about the whole thing.
LRH: Uh-huh.
PC: “I’m afraid I’m pregnant again.” LRH: Mm-hm.
PC: “And I’m not particularly interested in being pregnant again because I’ve got all these lovely summer clothes and I’m going to go out and have a good time. And if I have a baby it’ll be a girl and Joe doesn’t want a girl because we lost the first boy. And I’m stuck with this old drunk and I’m a Mackenzie and Mackenzies are always ladies so you can’t divorce—if you’re a lady you can’t divorce anybody.” LRH: Continue. She crying?
PC: No.
LRH: Where was she crying?
PC: She was crying in the living room but she isn’t crying now.
LRH: All right. Come up to present time.
PC: (laugh) LRH: How do you feel?
PC: Fine!
LRH: Better?
PC: Yes! I was so scared, I was so scared. And I’m not scared now at all.
LRH: Okay. Fine. Good.
PC: (laugh) LRH: All right.