How To Choose Your People Chapter 25

Chapter 25 — You and Me

YOU AND ME

No matter what grand thing we want to accomplish – from setting up a lemonade stand in the front yard to cleaning up the world – it's going to be easier and more achievable if we get ourselves as highscale as possible.

Besides it's more fun.

We can stop wars by making our leaders saner. We can stop environmental destruction by raising the responsibility level of the inhabitants. We can stop discrimination by raising the understanding of the individuals.

Ultimately, the answer to our social ills lies not in developing better systems, bigger programs, ideal philosophies, or in drugging our political leaders into Apathy. The answer lies in lifting the tone level of the individuals. When we make man saner, we make his families, his groups, his races and his nations saner.

We start with you and me.

THE TRAP

While reading this book, you've probably groaned occasionally: "Oh, I do that sometimes. I must be pretty low-tone."

It's a grim experience – seeing and hearing ourselves down there in the pit somewhere. Be assured, however, that you are not alone. We all own the emotional keyboard and we've played every note at one time or another.

The best way to get out of any trap is to thoroughly understand the trap. So, having recognized some lowscale manifestations in ourselves, we are already a couple of galaxies ahead of the poor soul who's caught in a tone and believes it. He's saying, "Life is this way," and often he considers the condition permanent and irrevocable.

If you experience one of those days when your wife won't talk to you; you get a flat tire on the way to the office; you arrive to find that you've lost two of your biggest accounts; the production line is shut down with a mechanical failure and the big boss is in town on an unexpected visit – you might heave a huge sigh and say, "I give up."

When you know the tone scale, however, you may be able to say (gulp) "This is Apathy," in which case some part of you is not totally submerged. You can take some control and drag yourself back into the day – awful as it is. In this chapter we're going to examine some of the things we can do to haul ourselves up and stay there.

BE SELFISH

Be selfish and industrious about raising your own tone. You owe it to yourself, your future, your family, to your work and to mankind. It is never noble to be less than sane. It is never better survival to continue non-survival actions.

Anything which raises tone is worthwhile. As we mentioned in the last chapter, this can include bettering our health, our environment, our education, and – for permanent improvement – Scientology processing.

Notice your own tone fluctuations: What people, places, or activities drop you down? Which raise your tone? Start orienting your life toward the tone raising people, places and actions.

Pleasure and survival go together. Something that increases your pleasure increases your survival and vice versa. Any activity you thoroughly enjoy will be tone raising. This may sound self-indulgent; but only low-tone people try to convince us there is anything honorable about being serious and self-sacrificing.

The person who takes the necessary actions to improve his emotional outlook becomes more tolerant and understanding, more able to solve problems, more responsible and more persistent. He can live well and freely; but still accomplish ten times as much as the drones who plod heavily along because they "don't have the time" to enjoy living.

FLUCTUATIONS

The upscale person doesn't sit placidly serene while buildings collapse around him. Nor does he leap through life in constant orgasmic ecstacy. He fluctuates. He is not stuck. He responds with the right emotion for the occasion, and most of the time he experiences a quiet excitement at the simple pleasures of living.

THE SECRET OF POWER

One of the biggest mistakes we can make is assuming that we can associate closely with down-tone people for a long time without sliding down ourselves. Other than at gun point, there are only two ways to deal with someone who is working relentlessly to knock us down: We handle him (preferably by bringing him upscale) or we disconnect.

Although we needn't condemn a person for his low position on the scale (who can cast the first stone?) we mustn’t deceive ourselves either. There's nothing more difficult to face than the destructive evil of a chronic, high-volume low tone. There probably isn't one of us who wouldn't rather pretend it isn't there. It's so much easier to "think the best of people." That's the coward's way out, however, and it's a costly mistake.

Most of us err in trying to help someone too long. If a person won't permit himself to be helped, we must be willing to let go. When we keep trying and failing and still insisting we "should be able to manage it," we drop downtone ourselves.

If there's a large hole in the bottom of the ship, you either repair it in a hurry or you get out the life boats. Too many people struggle through life trying to bail out their sinking ships with a teaspoon.

The secret of power is knowing how to handle and when to disconnect.

CHOOSE YOUR PEOPLE

Low-tone people, like poison ivy, are easier to avoid than get rid of.

So from here on you can save yourself much grief by choosing upscale people right from the start. Even pick the highest tone businesses for your patronage. When you choose trustworthy people, life is brighter and you won't be complaining that "he gypped me" or "I was betrayed."

I even (I mean, especially) select my auto mechanics by tone. When I find an uptone fellow, I give him all of my business and my trust, knowing that if the motor in my car develops an alarming new plunk (because a bolt needs tightening), he isn't going to tell me: "The whole flanastran must be overhauled, and that'll run around three hundred dollars."

CHOICES

Knowing the high-tone characteristics, we find that there are many times we can actually make a choice toward the higher attitude. It's more upscale to trust than distrust. This doesn't mean we should become gullible; but when there's a borderline decision, we’ll feel better if we permit ourselves to trust. (I've even known some low-tone people who actually stretched their ethics upward simply because I let them know I trusted them. This won't work with everyone; but if a person is mobile, he'll reach up-tone more readily on trust than distrust. Do this with children.) When we're debating whether or not to tell the truth, we find that truth is much higher than deceptiveness. Understanding is higher than ignorance; it's always beneficial to learn more. Causing is saner than being effect, so don't sit quietly in the back of the room and let the low-tone committee members run things. Speak out. Owning is higher on the scale than considering one shouldn't own anything. Taking responsibility is more up-tone than avoiding responsibility. It's higher tone to fall in love than to be a cynical loner. It's more upscale to communicate than to suppress communication.

GOALS

We may want to win a Nobel Prize, invent a substitute for food, learn to telepath with chipmunks or merely get the flower bed weeded out this afternoon. No matter what the job, it's easier to accomplish when we're upscale. On the other hand, we mustn’t sit around waiting until enthusiasm strikes us before we tackle the breakfast dishes. The person who accomplishes a great deal while still down-tone is of much greater potential worth.

The most important single contributing factor to tone is pursuing one's own goals. So if you're not working toward the goal that means most to you, dust the cobwebs off that dream (the one you abandoned because someone convinced you to be sensible and take up engineering instead) and get on with it.

SOME TONE RAISING IDEAS

Someone once said, "Life is the thing that really happens to us while we're making other plans."

This is true of the downscale person. Up-tone people enjoy the present as they plan their future. Low-tone people only daydream about it (and some merely wait to "see what happens"). Too often we hear people say, "Some day I'm going to start my own business," "I'd really like to write a song," "I intend to go back and finish school," "I want to take up skiing sometime."

The difference between upscale planning and lowscale wishful thinking is action. The high-tone person puts his plans into action in the present time. Now. He isn't just thinking; he's doing.

We can raise ourselves, temporarily, on the scale by riding on the bubble of wishful thinking. But, if we never act, the bubble soon bursts and we must confront the mundane reality of our existence – and die in little pieces.

When we're not working toward a major goal (or even a minor one), it's too easy to "save" ourselves for some purpose important enough for our attention. Saving ourselves is a sure way to drop downscale and stay there. In such circumstances, find anything to do – whether or not it's important.

Lethargy produces low tone and, tragically, low tone produces lethargy. The longer we put off an action, the more deeply we sink into a pool of inertia, and it's much more difficult to start up again from a dead stop. Almost everyone must fight lethargy sometimes; but you conquer it by just starting something. Once you're rolling it's easier to keep going and you will move upscale.

Finishing jobs can give you a marvelous sense of accomplishment, especially those jobs you're likely to postpone from year to year. Spend a day or a week finishing any projects you have lying around and you'll soar.

If your environment is in a state of chaos, the disorder grabs your attention (and hangs on to it) every time you walk through the room. Disorder itself is lowtone. Order is high-tone. So you can bring yourself upscale by simply cleaning and organizing the nest. Afterward you'll have a free mind to address more meaningful projects.

Another gambit for raising tone is to get involved. We all have choices almost daily: "Should I go to the party or stay home?" "Shall I go see what that job is all about or just forget it?" "Shall I attend the meeting or take the evening off?" "Should I join that committee or let someone else do it?" "Should I take that Judo class or stay home and read?" Assuming that you're considering an activity that's relatively hightone, you will usually find more enjoyment when you take the active choice rather than the passive one. It's the person who's avoiding work, avoiding risks, avoiding responsibilities, avoiding new situations who's miserable. Always reserve the freedom to withdraw from a situation that is low-tone (when you can't do anything about it). But get involved.

DON'T SUPPRESS EMOTIONS

If you learn nothing else from this book, you should learn that you never reach high tones until you can experience all of them. To gain mobility you must not suppress emotions.

When you feel like crying, cry or you slip into Apathy. If something is fearful, go ahead and be frightened or you become a weak Sympathy and Propitiation type trying to ward off all dangers and never helping anybody – least of all yourself.

Don't bottle up Anger; let it go. When someone is doing something objectionable to you, in your space or with your belongings, speak immediately. We only covertly hate that person if we don't voice our complaints. Simply state flatly and directly: "You did this. I object to it. Don't do it again." The more you bottle up such feelings, the more you pin yourself down in 1.1 or 1.2. Some people need to work up a high volume of Anger in order to ''tell someone off." This is undesirable because uncontrolled Anger is usually destructive. It's the person who's too cowardly to say something in the beginning who lets his grudges build up until he explodes. State your objections immediately while the volume is low, and they will not stay with you simmering under the surface. Don't worry about hurting the other fellow's feelings. if he's taking advantage of you or doing something harmful, it's a crime to let him continue. If he's unable to improve, you're better off getting him out of your environment anyway.

Of course, none of this justifies a person who is constantly critical and invalidating to others. He's fixed between 1.1 and 2.0.

BAD NEWS

The top of the tone scale tells us that the upscale person doesn't absorb and relay all the bad news. He cuts such communication lines. There are many ways to do this and it will serve us well to use them.

If the newspaper makes you believe there's no hope for the world, quit reading it. If a book is depressing (who cares how artistic it's supposed to be?) throw it in the fireplace; it'll help the kindling along. Find high scale entertainment. It can bring back a chuckle or a flow of warmth for a long time afterward.

When you're talking with someone and the conversation drops low, change the subject. Cut that communication line.

If certain people insist on giving you nothing but bad news, lies, gossip, arguments, criticism, hopelessness or covert barbs, stop associating with them. If you wouldn't tolerate people dumping their trash in the middle of your living room, why let them empty their mental trash cans in your mind?

I was at a party when a woman inquired about my religion. She smiled slyly as she asked: "Oh, are you a convert?"

She leaned so heavily on the last word that I could see she anticipated doing some covert sniping. I decided to cut this communication immediately. Abruptly and firmly I said, "I don't even know the meaning of the word."

I turned away from her and started talking with the others at the table. She didn't speak again and, strangely, none of the other people at our table of six spoke to her. The rest of us carried on an easy, laughing conversation.

Later one of the men said to me: "I don't know how you managed to shut Nancy up so effectively; but I'm glad you did. It's the first time I ever enjoyed myself when she was around."

This may seem cruel treatment if you're programmed to preserve social graces no matter what. It is actually more cruel to everyone when you permit a 1.1 to direct and control the communication. It always goes down.

GIVE AND TAKE

It is vital that we reach a balance between what we contribute and what we receive. This principle applies to friendships, marriages, jobs, groups, etc. If we're always helping others and taking nothing in return, we do a disservice to those on the receiving end. We should find a way for others to repay us.

If we are taking a great deal from someone else (care, food, shelter, services, money), we should find ways to return the flow or we drop to the beggar level of Apathy and Grief.

SUMMARY

Don't decide to get married, divorced, quit your job, leave school or enter a convent when you are low-tone. Make your choices when you're at the top.

If you suffer any kind of body ailments, get medical attention. Pain drives a person down.

Select your associates, jobs, spouse, groups, bosses, employees and allegiances by tone.

When you hit a temporary downscale attitude, don't take it seriously. It is nothing more than the coat you're wearing today. It is not you.

Don't wait for others to give you a pat on the back for something you did. Give yourself the pat and get on with the next job.

Don't try to arbitrate between two people who insist on playing a low-tone game with each other. This is like trying to balance a canoe in a ninety-mile gale while struggling with an epileptic hippopotamus.

Don't consign yourself to some constant drudgery that you despise. Direct yourself toward a worthwhile purpose – something that interests you strongly.

"Without goals, hopes, ambitions or dreams, the attainment of pleasure is nearly impossible.''

– L. Ron Hubbard, Science of Survival

Trust your own observations and don't believe lowtone gossip, reporting, teaching, advice or news. Look at the source of the communication before you absorb it or pass it on.

Don't listen or talk to low-scale people unless you feel able to control the tone of the conversation. Above all, don't share your ambitions with those at the bottom. They're leaning toward death and this includes the destruction of dreams.

Watch out for all the clever ways we try to explain away our own low-tone behavior. We're remarkably inventive about this.

Keep striving for higher levels of self-honesty. The more you are able to see things as they really are, the more upscale you will become.

When you find yourself using tremendous effort to get something done, back off and see if it's really the right action. If it is, do something to raise your tone and the job will be easier.

''It isn't how hard one wishes (as they teach a child); it's how lightly one wishes and how interested he is in having that for which he wished. "

– L. Ron Hubbard, Philadelphia Doctorate Lectures

Don't waste your time looking back and wishing things had happened differently. Your future needn't be molded by the past. You can create it today; you're the only one who can.

Don't be a weakling. When something needs to be done, do it. It is higher tone to feel dangerous to your environment than to consider your environment dangerous to you.

Don't let someone else sell you a goal. Follow your own personal convictions.

Art can move a person out of despondency – provided he selects his own art. So enjoy your kind of music, plays, decorations, paintings, books, movies or whatever form of artistry makes you feel wonderful.

If you work so long that your job starts getting serious, go walk around outside and notice things. Get reacquainted with the universe around you. You will return to the job refreshed.

When you're spending a great deal of time on paper work or intangibles, balance it up by doing things with your hands in your spare time. Dig a hole in the backyard, build a bird feeder, go bowling.

Cherish each high-tone person you meet.

You can do something about your emotional attitude. Don't wait for someone else in your environment to change first so you can move up. Take definite, conscious steps to boost yourself. When you're able to contemplate life in good humor (without being downright giddy about it) you'll find it easier to tolerate the foibles of others. They'll want to follow you anyway. So don't try to push from below; lead from above.

The venture is bound to include some down moments; but no low tone is such a bad place to visit as long as you don't have to live there.

Just remember where home is: mobile, free, lighthearted, feeling, communicating, understanding, winning, laughing, powerful, loved and loving. Living – to the fullest. That's the top of the tone scale.

Now you have the road map. God speed, and good traveling.