Scientology A New Slant on Life 1965 Chapter 11

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On Marriage

Communication is the root of marital success from which a strong union can grow, and non-communication is the rock on which the ship will bash out her keel.

In the first place, men and women aren’t too careful “on whom they up and marry”. In the absence of any basic training about neurosis, psychosis, or how to judge a good cook or a good wage-earner, that tricky, treacherous and not always easy-to-identify thing called “love” is the sole guiding factor in the selection of mates. It is too much to expect of a society above the level of ants to be entirely practical about an institution as basically impractical as marriage. Thus, it is not amazing that the mis-selection of partners goes on with such abandon.

There are ways, however, not only to select a marriage partner, but also to guarantee the continuation of that marriage, and these ways are simple. They depend uniformly upon communication.

There should be some parity of intellect and sanity between a husband and wife for them to have a successful marriage. In Western culture, it is expected that the women shall have some command of the humanities and sciences. It is easy to establish the educational background of a potential marriage partner; it is not so easy to gauge their capability regarding sex, family or children, or their sanity.

In the past, efforts were made to establish sanity with ink-blots, square blocks and tests with marbles to find out if anybody had lost any. The resulting figures had to be personally interpreted with a crystal ball and then re-interpreted for application.

In Scientology, there is a test for sanity and comparative sanity which is so simple that anyone can apply it. What is the “communication lag” of the individual?—When asked a question, how long does it take him to answer? When a remark is addressed to him, how long does it take for him to register and return? The fast answer tells of the fast mind and the sane mind, providing the answer is a sequitur; the slow answer tells of down-scale. Marital partners who have the same communication lag will get along; where one partner is fast and one is slow, the situation will become unbearable to the fast partner and miserable to the slow one.

The repair of a marriage which is going on the rocks does not always require the auditing of the marriage partners. It may be that another family factor is in the scene. This may be in the person of a relative, such as the mother-in-law. How does one solve this factor without using a shotgun? This, again, is simple. The mother-in-law, if there is trouble in the family, is responsible for cutting communication or inverting communication. One or the other of the partners, then, is cut off the communication channel on which he belongs. He senses this and objects strenuously to it.

Jealousy is the largest factor in breaking up marriages. Jealousy comes about because of the insecurity of the jealous person, and the jealousy may or may not have foundation. This person is afraid of hidden communication lines and will do anything to try to uncover them. This acts upon the other partner to make him feel that his communication lines are being cut; for he thinks himself entitled to have open communication lines, whereas his marital partner insists that he shut many of them. The resultant rows are violent, as represented by the fact that, where jealousy exists in a profession such as acting, insurance companies will not issue policies —the suicide rate is too high.

The subject of marriage could not be covered in many chapters, but here is given the basic clue to a successful marriage—Communicate !