View source for Auditing an Illness Chain (500619)

'''Date:''' 19 June 1950

'''Speaker:''' L. Ron Hubbard

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All right. Close your eyes. Now, any time in the future when I say the word “cancelled,” what I have said to you while you were lying there with your eyes closed will be cancelled. Okay? Now, let’s go right straight through the incident, straight through the incident which if relieved and deintensified will resolve your whole case.

Straight through the incident. The file clerk can give us this. (pause) File clerk can give us this, somatic strip can contact the front end of it and you can give us the whole picture there. You know what the incident is. When I count from one to five, you’ll give me the first words of the incident, they’ll flash into your mind.

One-two-three-four-five. (snap) PC: (pause) I’m starting to get something I think there s a slight kind of painful feeling that is lying down there . . . saying “He’s gone.” There’s something like that in there . . .

LRH: All right. Who’s dead?

PC: I get “father” but I don’t know whose.

LRH: Who’s dead then? Whose father was it? (pause) When did your mother’s father die?

PC: (mutter) LRH: Mm-hm. Did you like him?

PC: (mutter) LRH: When did they show you to him?

PC: (long pause, mutter) I don’t remember . . .

LRH: He like you?

PC: I think so.

LRH: Did your mother cry about his death?

PC: I don’t know.

LRH: What is she saying as she is crying about his death?

PC: “He’s gone. He’s gone.” LRH: Okay. Continue.

PC: “He’s gone and he’ll never come back.” LRH: Continue.

PC: “He’s dead.” LRH: Go over that again.

PC: “He’s gone. He’ll never come back. He’s dead.” LRH: Go over it again.

PC: “He’s gone. He’ll never come back. He’s dead. He’s gone. He’ll never come back. He’s dead.” LRH: Continue. Right straight on through, now.

PC: “Oh, my God. He’s gone.” (mutter) LRH: All right. So just spot the words the next time you roll through it. Continue.

PC: (mutter) LRH: Hm?

PC: (mutter) LRH: Continue.

PC: I really wanted to . . . (mutter) LRH: Continue.

PC: (mutter) LRH: Continue.

PC: (mutter) LRH: Go over it again. “I tried.” PC: “I tried”?

LRH: “I tried.” PC: “I tried.” (mutter) LRH: Hm? What did you say?

PC: Got a little somatic on it.

LRH: On what? “I tried”?

PC: No, on this engram. This engram has . . .

LRH: On the same incident?

PC: I don’t know.

LRH: What incident’s this one on?

PC: I just had an impression of my mother saying . . .

LRH: All right. Let’s contact the beginning of that impression. The beginning of the impression. What might she be saying?

PC: “Oh, no.” I don’t get any more . . .

LRH: Go over those lines again. “Oh, no.” PC: “Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.” LRH: Continue.

PC: “Oh, no.” LRH: Let’s go over it again. “Oh, no, no, no.” PC: “Oh, no, no, no.” (laughing) LRH: Go over it again.

PC: “Oh, no.” (Laughing) LRH: Go over it again.

PC: (laughing) LRH: Let’s go over it again. Contact it more solidly. Go over the line and get the moment that’s happening.

PC: I’m down on the floor, I think.

LRH: Hm?

PC: I’m down on the floor, I think.

LRH: Yeah. What do you see while you’re lying there? Let’s roll it, now. “Oh, no.” PC: “Oh, no, oh, no.” I can see my teddy bear . . .

LRH: Mm-hm. Where’s your mama standing while she’s crying? Is she crying?

PC: She doesn’t seem to be there now. I can’t see her. I have the impression she’s somewhere around there.

LRH: Are you well or ill?

PC: Ill.

LRH: Of what are you ill?

PC: Some disease.

LRH: How’s your face feel? How’s your face feel?

PC: Mm, burning . . .

LRH: What’s she think about this disease? She think you’re dying?

PC: I think so.

LRH: What’s she saying about it?

PC: I don’t know, I . . . “Oh, no. No.” LRH: Go over it now. “Oh, no, no.” PC: “Oh, no, no.” LRH: Go over it again.

PC: “Oh, no. No.” LRH: Go over it again.

PC: “Oh, no. No.” LRH: What’s she crying about?

PC: Me.

LRH: What does she think’s happening to you?

PC: I’m going to die. (laugh) [gap] PC: (laugh) LRH: Continue. How does she say you’re going to die?

PC: She says, “You mustn’t die.” LRH: Go over that.

PC: “You mustn’t die. You mustn’t die. You mustn’t die. Oh, no, you mustn’t die.” LRH: Continue, (pause) “Oh, no, you mustn’t die.” How does your skin feel when she’s saying that?

PC: Slight burning sensation. I’ve got a somatic in my stomach and esophagus.

LRH: Mm-hm. Let’s go over it again.

PC: “Oh, no. No. You mustn’t die. Don’t let him die.” LRH: Go over it again.

PC: “Oh, no, you mustn’t die.” (laugh) “Don’t let him die.” LRH: What else does she say? She want you to stay there with her? (pause) She want you to come back to her?

PC: I’m sorry.

LRH: You know what else she says there.

PC: “He’s too young to die.” LRH: Let’s go over that again.

PC: “Oh, no. He mustn’t die, don’t let him die. He’s too young to die.” LRH: What else is she saying? She saying she loves you?

PC: “I hate him.” LRH: Go over that.

PC: “I hate him.” LRH: Go over it again.

PC: “I hate him!” LRH: What else is she saying? (pause) Where’s she standing with relationship to you?

PC: Right behind the davenport, by my side. I’m lying on the davenport, face down.

LRH: What else is she saying?

PC: (mutter) Well, I don’t know . . .

LRH: What else is she saying?

PC: Terrific somatic all in my face and arms now—tingling.

LRH: Okay. Continue.

PC: (sob) “Oh, no. He mustn’t die.” LRH: You know what’s occurring there. Just roll it right on through. You know what’s occurring.

PC: Seem to be just lying there. And I’m stuck right there.

LRH: All right, what’s she say? “Stay with me”? What’s the holder? What’s the holder? She say, “Stay with me”?

PC: Maybe.

LRH: All right.

PC: “Stay with me. Stay with me.” (laugh, sob) “Stay with me. Stay with me. Stay (sob) with me.” Oh, what a terrific somatic.

LRH: “Stay with me.” PC: “Stay with me. Don’t ever leave me.” (laughs loudly) LRH: Go over that again.

PC: “Stay with me.” (laugh) LRH: Next line, (pause) Next line. What’s she doing to your face?

PC: Seems like she mops me with a cloth.

LRH: Do you feel that cloth? Get the tactile on that cloth.

PC: Yeah, I feel it. It’s very cool.

LRH: Uh-huh. And what’s she saying when she does that?

PC: “You won’t die.” LRH: Continue.

PC: I don’t believe anybody else . . . I just have a vague impression of someone else there. I don’t know who it would have been. Seems like it’s in the daytime. At least it’s not dark.

LRH: Who else is there?

PC: I get the impression of a doctor.

LRH: What’s the doctor saying? What does the doctor say to precipitate all this?

PC: “I don’t know.” (laugh) LRH: Go on. He says, “I don’t know. I don’t know.” PC: (laugh) LRH: Now, what doesn’t he know?

PC: (laugh) He knows I’m going to die.

LRH: What’s he say?

PC: I think he think I’m going to die.

LRH: And how’s he put it?

PC: Oh. I think he says something about I’m dying, (mutter) LRH: “He’s dying” or “he’s liable to die”?

PC: “I think he’s dying.” Something like that. “Think he’s going to die. . .” (laugh) LRH: You know what this first phrase is. What is it?

PC: (laugh) LRH: What is it?

PC: “He needs—he’s young, doctor.” “You can’t stop it, those things happen.” LRH: Go on over it again.

PC: “You can’t stop it, those things happen.” (laugh) LRH: Go over it again.

PC: (laugh) “You can’t stop it, those things happen.” LRH: Next.

PC: “I’ve done all I can.” LRH: Go on over it again.

PC: The hell he has. “I’ve done all I can.” LRH: What else?

PC: I just don’t like him. He says, “I’ve done all I can.” LRH: Go over it again.

PC: “I’ve done all I can. Can’t do no more.” LRH: Go over it again.

PC: “I’ve done all I can. I can’t do any more.” It seems like he’s not getting off of something, (mutter) LRH: Hm?

PC: I don’t know if he’s gone away. But he may be gone.

LRH: Mm-hm. (pause) What’s your mother say? (pause) What’s your mother say?

PC: Can’t hear her saying anything, (pause) Think she was just sitting there, kind of apathetic.

LRH: Does she say, “Oh, no”?

PC: Can’t hear.

LRH: Repeat that “oh, no” sequence.

PC: “Oh, no. Oh, no.” (laugh) “Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.” LRH: What else?

PC: “I don’t want him to die.” LRH: Continue.

PC: (laugh) “I don’t want to die.” LRH: Continue.

PC: You want the beginning of it again?

LRH: Yeah. Contact the first moment of this sequence here.

PC: “No. Oh no, you mustn’t die. I don’t want him to die. He can’t die.” LRH: Continue.

PC: “I don’t want you to be sick.” LRH: What’s the doctor say?

PC: “Well, those things happen. We’ve done the best we can and I’ve done the best I can. I think he’s dying.” Boy, I wish he’d keep his mouth shut.

LRH: Continue. Now what’s this?

PC: “Keep him off his feet.” LRH: Continue.

PC: Oh, this is where he flashed that light in my eyes. Must have been solar in intensity.

LRH: All right, your somatic strip can find the moment the light was flashed in your eyes.

PC: Yeah.

LRH: You got it?

PC: Yeah.

LRH: What’s he doing?

PC: Looking in my eye. And he’s got the little bulb.

LRH: Mm-hm.

PC: He looks in.

LRH: Mm-hm. And what’s he saying?

PC: Oh, God. (panting) LRH: What’s he saying?

PC: (panting) LRH: Never what? What’s he saying with that?

PC: I don’t know.

LRH: “Never.” PC: “Never.” LRH: Never what?

PC: (laugh) “Never, never. Oh my. Never. Oh, my God. Never.” (wheeze) LRH: Never what?

PC: (wheezing, coughing) LRH: You know the rest of it. The rest of the words are going to flash into your mind. One-two-three-four-five. (snap) PC: (cough) LRH: Never what?

PC: “Say die. Never say die.” LRH: Go over it again.

PC: “Never say die.” (wheeze) “Never say die. Never say die.” LRH: Pick up the contact on that light now.

PC: (laugh, cough) LRH: Contact on the light. Now what’s he say with that light?

PC: “Never say die.” (wheeze, sob) LRH: What’s he tell you to do?

PC: Something like—“lie back there” or something.

LRH: Yeah. You know what it is. Lie what?

PC: “Lie still. Just lie still.” LRH: And what?

PC: “Stay quiet.” LRH: Go over it again.

PC: “Lie still and be quiet.” LRH: Go over it again.

PC: “Lie still and be quiet.” LRH: Go over it again.

PC: “Lie still and be quiet.” [gap] PC: (breathing heavily) Something about a hospital coming in now.

LRH: All right. Go over the word “hospital.” PC: “Hospital. Hospital” LRH: “Take him to the . . . ?” PC: No. “We must see whether we have to go to the hospital,” something like that.

LRH: All right. You know what it is. Go over it now.

PC: “Will you have to take him to the hospital? Will you have to take him to the hospital?” I think that’s right “Will you have to take him to the hospital?” LRH: Continue.

PC: Well, I don’t know what he says there. I don’t think he took me to the hospital Well, seems like he turns away; I don’t hear him too good. Yeah, he’s turned away, his face is turned away. I can see my parents very vaguely standing there over to the left now.

LRH: Mm-hm.

PC: Yeah.

LRH: Continue.

PC: There . . . Oh boy, that somatic. Whew! Jeez!

LRH: Continue.

PC: “There isn’t much more we could do for him there. There isn’t much more we could do for him there.” LRH: Continue.

PC: “There’s not much more we could do for him there.” Well Well, (breathing heavily) “He’s too sick to be moved. He’s too sick to be moved now.” LRH: Go over it again.

PC: “He’s too sick to be moved now. He’s too sick to be moved now.” LRH: Continue.

PC: (laugh) “He’s too sick to be moved now.” LRH: Go over it again.

PC: (wheeze) “He’s too sick to be moved now. He’s too sick to be moved Now.” LRH: Continue.

PC: What the hell does he do about it now? Some . . .

LRH: What’s your—what’s your father say?

PC: He never says very much of anything. I don’t know whether he said anything then, (pause) “He’s too sick to be moved.” Well, let’s see. Something about, “Shall we keep him here.” I don’t know who said that, I think it’s my mother. “We’d better keep him here then.” (pause, breathing heavily) “He’s too sick to be moved. We better keep him here.” (panting) “No, I don’t know what it is yet. It’s too early to tell what it is yet. I know it’s too early for him. I’ll give him—I’ll put him to sleep or— a sedative,” something like that.

LRH: Go over that.

PC: It’s that, anyway—“I’m going to sleep.” LRH: Go over it again.

PC: Boy, my hands are cold now. “I’ll give him something to put him to sleep.” LRH: Go over it again.

PC: “I’ll give him something to put him to sleep for tonight. I’ll give him something to put him to sleep for tonight.” LRH: Continue.

PC: “And come back in the morning. Come back in the morning. Call me. Call me.” Something . . . (wheeze) Whew, getting a leg cramp, (cough) “Call me.” (groan) LRH: Continue, (pause) Continue, Call you what?

PC: Oh. Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

LRH: Go over that again.

PC: You know, I was just thinking something. Maybe that’s what I was waking up with. Maybe that’s what I was running in the night or something when I got sick a couple of years ago. It had no word content, though. Yd just wake up scared as hell LRH: Aha. Continue.

PC: Maybe I woke up that night like that, in the night when it was all dark. I couldn’t—I was all dopey and sick.

LRH: What happened to you just before this? Let’s go back and find out what happened to you.

PC: When?

LRH: Before you got sick.

PC: Oh, jeez. Before I got sick.

LRH: The day before you got sick. How’d you feel the day before you got sick? Let’s contact that. Take a look at it.

PC: I’ll try. The day before I got sick, (panting) LRH: What you doing there the day before you get sick?

PC: It was something out of the ordinary but . . . Let’s see. Return to the day before I got sick, (pause, panting) Yeah, I seem to have the impression of crying, I don’t know, (panting) I must have been crying. What about? (pause) Bad. I was bad.

LRH: Who said you were bad?

PC: “You’re bad.” (sob) “You’re bad. You’re naughty.” Something about punish.  “I—I’m going to punish you.” (panting) LRH: You know about this, (pause) Where’s the punishment land?

PC: What?

LRH: Where are you being punished?

PC: (panting) I can’t seem to see it. (pause) Oh, gee.

LRH: All right. Let’s go back to the beginning of this. The first moment of agitation.

PC: Jesus, a terrific somatic on this.

LRH: All right. What’s the punishment?

PC: (panting) LRH: What’s the punishment?

PC: I must have been sick then and they punished me.

LRH: Now, what’s the punishment? (pause) When are you first grabbed?

PC: I can’t seem to grab it. I’m trying.

LRH: You know what it is. Your somatic strip now will go to the moment.

Your somatic strip will go to the moment when you’re first grabbed.

PC: When I was the first what?

LRH: They grab hold of you. Somebody lays hands on you.

PC: Oh.

LRH: Somebody lay hands on you?

PC: Oh, Jesus, (groan) LRH: Huh?

PC: Oh, I get something right here.

LRH: Somebody lay hands on you?

PC: I don’t know, (pause) Jesus, I still got this terrific somatic.

LRH: Where’s the somatic?

PC: Just started burning all over.

LRH: In the sickness?

PC: Hm?

LRH: In the sickness?

PC: I don’t know, it approximates it.

LRH: It approximates it. You think maybe it isn’t the same one?

PC: I wonder.

LRH: Is it basic-basic?

PC: (panting) LRH: Is it?

PC: I think so.

LRH: All right. Let’s run it.

PC: (panting) LRH: Contact the first part of it.

PC: Oh, boy. I’ve just got this terrific somatic all over. Feels like it’s real hot.

LRH: Any word content in it?

PC: On it?

LRH: Any word content in it?

PC: Maybe “hot.” I don’t know.

LRH: Go over the word.

PC: (laugh) “I’m hot.” LRH: What have you got there?

PC: My mother’s saying “I’m hot, I’m hot.” That’s my mother.

LRH: Okay, continue.

PC: “I’m hot. I’m so hot.” LRH: What else is she saying?

PC: “Oh, Riley.” That’s my father’s name.

LRH: Roll it.

PC: (panting) Boy, that seems to be in the teeth. That’s what’s been wrong in my mouth. I’ve had a real bad somatic in my front teeth last few days. I get the impression there’s a somatic there. Yeah, I can’t talk very well, my mouth is all pushed in or something. Oof, there is one right there in the hand.

LRH: What are you running here? (pause) What are you running?

PC: (heavy breathing) I don’t know.

LRH: Sure you do. Your somatic strip can contact the first part of it.

PC: Yeah—it’s a coitus.

LRH: Is this the same somatic you had before? Same incident? (pause) What about this coitus?

PC: I don’t. . .

LRH: Has it got the words “I’m hot” in it?

PC: The file clerk says no.

LRH: Now let’s go back down to the basic area again, (pause) Get down to the one that’s hot. “I’m hot.” PC: “I’m hot. I’m hot.” LRH: What else you got there?

PC: “It’s hot. Oh, boy, am I so hot, phew.” LRH: Continue. What’s next?

PC: “I’m so hot.” LRH: Next line. What’s he saying? Is there a bouncer after that?

PC: I think I can hear ’em breathing.

LRH: Okay.

PC: Oof. All right.

LRH: Continue.

PC: I can’t hear his voice.

LRH: All right. You know what it’ll be.

PC: (panting) LRH: Continue, [gap] PC: You know, the somatic strip is running.

LRH: Hm?

PC: The somatic strip is running.

LRH: Okay. Then what occurs?

PC: Seems like there was a considerable time interval in there on this.

LRH: Yeah.

PC: I have the impression . . .

LRH: Then what do they say?

PC: I guess he never did say anything then.

LRH: Anything about coming or going?

PC: Well, I just had a faint impression of something about “I’m coming.” I’m not sure if it was in that incident though, (pause) Jeez, I’ve got a face somatic on that now, a pulsating face somatic in the cheek.

LRH: All right, let’s contact the first part of it, first moment of discomfort of this. Let’s contact the first moment of discomfort of this incident.

PC: This is—this is another one.

LRH: No, let’s contact the earliest one. The first moment of discomfort on the earliest one . . . [gap] . . . something like that.

PC: Oh. Um . . .

LRH: There’s a bouncer in that first incident. What’s the . . .

PC: Yeah, there—it’s not all run. I don’t feel I got it.

LRH: Hm?

PC: I have a feeling it’s not all complete. It’s not all run. Maybe there’s that bouncer in it.

LRH: All right. You know what these are. What’s the word in common that holds these incidents together?

PC: Never.

LRH: Never?

PC: Is it “never”?

LRH: All right. Okay. Never what?

PC: I thought that. Last night, I thought it.

LRH: Never what? What’s the “never” in the first incident?

PC: “Never? Never?” LRH: Earliest incident. Earliest incident, (pause) Earliest incident, (pause, pc panting) Never? Is “never” in the earliest incident there?

PC: I get “no” now.

LRH: All right. Let’s run the earliest incident, whatever is in it. Let’s contact whatever is in the earliest incident then.

PC: Mm, let’s see. Earliest one.

LRH: Hm?

PC: Earliest moment of pain that’s in here.

LRH: That’s right. Earliest moment of pain, (pause) Earliest moment of pain.

PC: (panting) Seems to be in the middle of a coitus.

LRH: Okay. Do you feel the wetness? Shift into your own valence there and feel the wetness.

PC: Yeah, I did then.

LRH: All right.

PC: I can feel that against my face.

LRH: Okay. Well, what do you get with it?

PC: Just a coitus vibration.

LRH: Do you get any gurgles or splutters or anything else inside there?

PC: Yes. (mutter) LRH: Hm? Any womb noises? Let’s contact the . . .

PC: Yeah, I hear intestinal noises . . .

LRH: Okay.

PC: .  .  .  and stuff like that.

LRH: All right. What do you get with those? (pause) That first incident.

PC: Squishing noise, something on that order.

LRH: Good. Well, let’s roll right on through with it.

PC: Okay.

LRH: Contact the first moment of it and roll right on through now. (pause) What do you contact?

PC: There is something there, something in a phrase or something that’s holding it there.

LRH: All right. When I count from one to five that phrase will flash into your mind. One-two-three-four-five, (snap) PC: I get “another” but that’s not it, I don’t think.

LRH: Is it “that’s not it”? (pause) Is that it?

PC: (laugh) I think so, maybe.

LRH: All right. Let’s go over “that’s not it.” PC: “That’s not it. That’s not it. That’s not it. That’s not it. That’s not it.” (laugh) LRH: Contact it now.

PC: “That’s not it.” LRH: Contact it.

PC: “That’s not it.” Boy, I’m getting pushed right in the mouth.

LRH: Okay. Let’s go over that. “That’s not it.” PC: “That’s not it.” The hell it isn’t! “That’s not it.” LRH: What’s the next line?

PC: (laugh) Oh, let’s see.

LRH: You know. What comes next after “that’s not it”?

PC: Why is it so difficult in here . . .

LRH: Hm?

PC: It’s difficult to plod through this here, this thing.

LRH: All right. But what is contained there at the first moment of it?

The first moment of the first one? (pause) Give me a flash reply here. Is that a standard coitus remark: “That’s not it”?

PC: No.

LRH: What is the standard remark?

PC: I hear that “I’m coming” is standard.

LRH: All right. Let’s go over that now. “I’m coming.” PC: (laugh) “I’m coming. I’m coming. I’m coming.” Boy, I can hear her saying it just as plain . . .

LRH: Okay, go over it.

PC: “I’m coming. I’m coming. I’m coming.” LRH: Contact it.

PC: “I’m coming. I’m coming” LRH: What else does she say? (pause) What else does she say?

PC: (pause) I think she uses my father’s name, “Oh, Riley,” something like that At least I think it’s there. Yeah, (pause) LRH: All right. Let s contact the first part of this incident. First part of the first incident now.

PC: (sniffle, panting) LRH: First part of the first incident.

PC: Gee, I don’t know if I’m back there anymore. It’s getting hard to tell.

LRH: Why? Did it kind of wear out or something?

PC: Seems to be, but I hate to say that . . .

LRH: Your somatic strip can contact the first part of it. The somatic strip can contact the first part of the first incident now.

PC: Okay.

LRH: What do you get?

PC: I have a feeling—face somatic—it must have been all over this area . . .

LRH: Mm-hm.

PC: .  .  .  because your chin is very well developed in the fetus I think.

LRH: Mm-hm.

PC: Feel it there. Except there’s something pushed in here, (laugh) (yawn) Aw, jeez.

LRH: What do you hear?

PC: I don’t hear anything. There isn’t any speaking.

LRH: In your own valence?

PC: Yeah.

LRH: All right. Let’s get the . . .

PC: I know why I have a receding chin. My mother’s always been mad with me because I had a receding chin. That’s her fault. Okay. Guess she got me all pushed in there.

LRH: Is there a “hold still” there? A holder? A “lie still”? Or “hold”? What you got there now?

PC: I don’t know. There must be something there.

LRH: When I count from one to five, you will tell me what it is. One-two-three-four-five, (snap) PC: I have an impression of “go.” LRH: What?

PC: “Go,” it seems like.

LRH: “Go.” “Let it go”? Or “I can’t go off”? Which one? “I can’t go off”? “I can’t go off”? “I can’t go off.” Repeat it.

PC: You’re ingenious. “I can’t go off.” (laugh) “I can’t go off. I can’t go off. I can’t go off I can’t go off.” (laugh) “I can’t go off now.” LRH: Go over it again.

PC: “I can’t go off now.” LRH: What else is said?

PC: “I can’t go off now. I can’t go off now. I can’t go off now.” LRH: What else is said? (pause) All right. Let’s go over “push it in.” PC: “Push it in. Push it in. Push it in. Push it in. Push it in. Push it in. Pushkin.” LRH: Anything like that there?

PC: “Push it in. Push it in.” Seems like it belongs, but I’m not sure it’s there.

LRH: What?

PC: Belongs.

LRH: Not sure it’s where? (pause) “Is it in”? (pause) “I can’t get it in”?

PC: “I can’t get it in. I can’t get it in. I can’t get it in.” (laugh) LRH: Go over that again.

PC: “I can’t get it in.” (laugh) LRH: Shift into your own valence now and pick up the sonic on this.

PC: “I can’t get it in. I can’t get it in now. I can’t get it in now. I can’t get it in.” LRH: You know what’s there. You have sonic on it? Your own valence?

PC: Yeah, I believe so.

LRH: Okay. Let’s roll it. What did they say there?

PC: Something about “before.” “I couldn’t before” or something like that.

LRH: Hm? “Couldn’t before”?

PC: I don’t know . . . “I couldn’t before but I can now.” I think it’s something like that.

LRH: Go on over it. (pause) How about coming?

PC: I don’t know. “Coming. Coming. Coming” LRH: “Can’t you come”?

PC: “Can’t you come? Can’t you come? Why can’t you come?” LRH: All right. Let’s go over that.

PC: (laugh) “Why can’t you come now? Why can’t you come now? Why can’t you come now? Why . . .” LRH: Continue.

PC: “Why can’t you come now? Why can’t you come now? Why can’t you come now?” “I could before but I can’t now.” “Why can’t you come now?” “I could before but I can’t now.” (laugh) What a silly thing to say.

LRH: What did she say?

PC: “Well, now why can’t you come now?” “I could before but I can’t now.” LRH: Go over it again.

PC: (laugh) “I could before but I can’t now.” LRH: Go over it again.

PC: (laugh) “I could before but I can’t now.” (laugh) LRH: Okay. Now, what I’d like you to do is—you can pick up these incidents the next time you come across them, can’t you?

PC: Yeah.

LRH: Case easier now?

PC: I think so.

LRH: Should be.

PC: Should be.

LRH: All right. Now let’s come on up to the time you get all well from that illness with the strep.

PC: Okay. Boy, there’s one thing I thought of for years and years and tried to place it. . . [gap] “Lie still and be quiet.” LRH: Pick up the sensation of that light.

PC: (cough) LRH: The sensation of the light. Light.

PC: Mmm. Didn’t like it at all.

LRH: How’s your eye feel?

PC: Mm. (mutter) LRH: Uh-huh. Where’s his thumb?

PC: (laugh) It feels like it’s down here.

LRH: Okay. What’s he saying when he flashes that light in?

PC: “Hmmm.” (laugh) “Hmmm.” LRH: Continue.

PC: “Lie still and be quiet.” LRH: He says, “Lie still and be quiet”?

PC: (mutter) LRH: What else does he say? (pause) Continue. Continue on with the incident.

PC: Hm.

LRH: Go over “don’t move.” PC: “Don’t move.” (laugh) “Don’t move. Don’t move. Don’t move. Don’t move.” LRH: What else does he say? “Don’t move,” what else? (pause) You know what he’s doing. You know what he’s doing.

PC: Something down here.

LRH: All right. You can feel the contact there.

PC: Feel his thumb. No, that’s a stethoscope.

LRH: What’s he saying with that stethoscope?

PC: Think he makes comments once in a while of “I can’t hear anything.” LRH: Uh-huh. What’s he doing? (pause) What can’t he hear? I can’t hear what?

PC: Rales.

LRH: Go over it again.

PC: “I can’t hear rales.” LRH: Go over it again.

PC: “I can’t hear rales.” LRH: Go over it again.

PC: “I can’t hear any rales.” LRH: Go over it again.

PC: “I can’t hear any rales.” (laugh) LRH: Go over it again.

PC: “I can’t hear any rales.” I wasn’t smart enough to know that much.

LRH: Continue.

PC: (mutter) LRH: Straight up, straight to the moment of the disease.

PC: I’ve been trying to get the disease, I can’t seem to get it LRH: Get what?

PC: I can’t seem to get the disease.

LRH: Well, it’s mentioned somewhere along the line there.

PC: It must be.

LRH: Yeah, It must be what?

PC: I know it isn’t scarlet fever, I had that earlier.

LRH: Now, who’s confused as to what disease it is?

PC: Must be the doctor that is. (laugh) LRH: All right. What’s he saying?

PC: (laugh) LRH: All right. Let’s contact what he’s saying about it. “It isn’t fever.” scarlet PC: “It isn’t scarlet fever. It must be . . .” LRH: Go over it again.

PC: “It isn’t scarlet fever. It must be . . .” (pause) Damn, I’m trying to figure out what it could be. I just can’t figure what it was. It must be . . . (pause) And there’s the neck somatic.

LRH: Go over it again. “It must be.” PC: “It must be.” LRH: Go over it again.

PC: I must . . . (laugh) LRH: Let’s go over it again.

PC: “It must be LRH: All right, now listen. It will flash into your mind when I from one to five. It’ll flash into your mind when I count to five. One-two-three-four-five, (snap) count from one PC: Strep. Strep infection. Yeah, it was right there but I wasn’t sure about it.

LRH: All right, let’s go over it again.

PC: “It must be the strep infection. It must be the strep infection. It must be the strep infection.” LRH: Go over it again.

PC: “It must be the strep infection.” LRH: Is that correct now?

PC: I think so.

LRH: All right. What’s he say about it being fatal?

PC: “It’s often fatal.” LRH: Go over that.

PC: “It’s often fatal. There isn’t much you can do about it. It’s often fatal. There isn’t much we can do for it.” LRH: Continue.

PC: “We can only hope for the best. We can only hope for the best.” LRH: Go over it again.

PC: “We can only hope for the best.” LRH: Continue.

PC: “We’ll just have to wait and see. We can only hope for the best. We’ll just have to wait and see.” LRH: Continue.

PC: “He may not die. He may not die.” LRH: Continue, (pause) Is a “can’t tell” in there anyplace?

PC: I think so.

LRH: Uh-huh.

PC: Ha. (laugh) “I can’t tell yet. I can’t tell yet.” LRH: Let’s go over that again.

PC: “I can’t tell yet. I can’t tell yet.” LRH: What’s the word just before “I can’t tell yet”?

PC: “He may not die. I can’t tell yet. It’s too early to tell.” LRH: Go on over it again.

PC: (laugh) “It’s too early to tell yet.” LRH: Go over it again.

PC: “He may not die. I can’t tell yet. It’s too early to tell yet.” Whew!

LRH: Continue.

PC: “I’ll be back later,” I think.

LRH: Continue.

PC: “I’ll be back later. Just keep him cool. Just try to keep him cool” LRH: Continue.

PC: “Feed him liquids.” LRH: Hm?

PC: “Give him liquids. Give him liquids.” LRH: Continue.

PC: “Call me if he gets worse. Feed him liquids. Call me if he gets worse. That’s all we can do now. That’s all we can do now for the present. That’s all we can do for the present.” (laughs loudly) That dirty bastard! I always knew he did something like that! “That’s all we can . . .” LRH: What did he say now?

PC: “That’s all we can do at present.” That’s all I’ve been doing my whole life, I guess, (laugh) Aw, jeez! Whew!

LRH: Continue, (pause) What did he say?

PC: Something about “I’ll call you later.” LRH: Let’s go over that.

PC: “I’ll call you later.” LRH: Continue.

PC: “I’ll call you later.” LRH: Continue.

PC: “Keep your chin up.” I think he says that to my mother.

LRH: What’s he say?

PC: I think he says something like “keep your chin up” or some form of it, to my mother.

LRH: All right. Let’s contact what he says.

PC: “Keep your chin up and try not to worry.” LRH: Go over it again.

PC: (laugh) “Keep your chin up and try not to worry.” LRH: Go through it again.

PC: (laugh) “Keep your chin up and try not to worry.” LRH: Continue, (pause) Now what occurs?

PC: I think he was about to go then.

LRH: He say he’s about to go, or he’s going now?

PC: “I have to leave now. I’ve got another call.” LRH: Go over it again.

PC: “I have to leave now. I’ve got another call.” LRH: Go over it again.

PC: “I have to leave now.” (laugh) LRH: What is it?

PC: (laugh) “I have to leave now. I’ve got another call.” (laugh) “Why did I come here?” Don’t know why that’s so funny, but it is!

LRH: Continue.

PC: (laugh) “I have to leave now, I have another call.” (pause) “Goodbye.” LRH: Go over that again.

PC: “Goodbye.” LRH: Go over it again.

PC: “Goodbye.” LRH: Go over it again.

PC: (laugh) “Goodbye.” LRH: You have any noises through there, any sounds?

PC: I seem to hear the door closing in there somewhere but this stuff is kind of mixed up. And it’s pretty far away. I guess I couldn’t hear too much.

LRH: All right.

PC: They’re pretty soft.

LRH: Your mother say something about “you can’t hear him”?

PC: Hm. Seems like it might be there somewhere, (pause) “I don’t think he can hear”? I don’t know. Why would he have cared if I hear him? He didn’t know about Dianetics.

LRH: “He doesn’t hear me.” PC: “He doesn’t hear me. He doesn’t hear me. He—he can’t hear me.” LRH: Continue. [gap] LRH: Tell me what’s in there.

PC: Something about dying, isn’t it?

LRH: Yeah. What’s this business about “he can’t hear me”?

PC: “He doesn’t—he can’t hear me.” LRH: “He can’t hear me.” PC: “He can’t hear me. It’s all right, he can’t hear me. It’s all right, he can’t . . . [gap] “.  .  .  all right, he can’t hear me.” “Shh, he will hear you.” LRH: Go over that.

PC: I think my mother’s saying “Shh, he will hear you” or something.

LRH: And what’s he say?

PC: “He can’t hear me. He’s . . .” LRH: He’s what? Continue, He’s what?

PC: “Oh, he’s too sick” LRH: Go over that again.

PC: “He can’t hear me, he’s too sick.” (laugh) Oh, no! “He can’t hear me, he’s too sick.” (laugh) LRH: Go over it again.

PC: “He can’t hear me, he’s too sick” (laugh) “He can’t hear me, he’s too sick He’s too sick to know what’s going on.” (laugh) “He’s too sick to know what’s going on.” (laugh) Oh, jeez, wait till I get my hands on that guy! “He’s too sick to know what’s going on.” LRH: Continue, PC: (laugh) LRH: Who swabbed your face?

PC: I think my mother did and she had a basin of water there.

LRH: Continue, PC: “He’s too sick to know what’s going on.” I think he just came over by me then, sat down and started fiddling around.

LRH: What was he doing?

PC: Maybe that’s when he looks in my eye. I’m not sure though.

LRH: All right. You know about all this. Let’s go back to the first moment you start to become ill, (pause) Let’s go back to the first moment when you start to become ill. The first moment you start to become ill.

PC: First moment, (pause) Phew. I’ve got a fever. I feel sick.

LRH: What was that again?

PC: I have a fever and I feel sick I seem to be upstairs, I must have woke up at night or something.

LRH: Okay, PC: It seems that way.

LRH: Okay. Now what?

PC: Well, my chest hurts.

LRH: Continue.

PC: I call “Mother, Mother.” LRH: Continue.

PC: “I’m sick.” She comes.

LRH: Continue.

PC: I think I vomit then.

LRH: Okay.

PC: I had stomach somatics anyway.

LRH: Continue.

PC: Yeah, that’s what happened.

LRH: All right. You know about it. Where do you vomit?

PC: I don’t know but I can smell it.

LRH: Okay. Then what occurs?

PC: She says, “Go call the doctor, Riley, call the doctor quick.” LRH: Continue.

PC: My dad runs downstairs.

LRH: Anybody say, “Go downstairs”?

PC: Maybe she said, “Go downstairs and call the doctor quick.” LRH: Go over it again.

PC: “Go downstairs.” (laugh) LRH: Okay, (pause) What’s occurring?

PC: (panting) LRH: Now what happens?

PC: She says, “I’d better clean this up—clean this mess up.” LRH: Continue.

PC: I’ve got a headache now. My jaw aches up in here.

LRH: What is?

PC: My—back of my neck hurts.

LRH: Continue.

PC: I wonder what that was. I bet that was meningitis or something.

LRH: Go on, you know what it is.

PC: I’ll bet it was.

LRH: You know what it is.

PC: All the way in the back of my neck hurts. That whole area.

LRH: Continue.

PC: He said it was measles, though.

LRH: He said it was what?

PC: He said it was measles, though.

LRH: All right. Continue with it.

PC: Whew. Boy, am I sweating. I’m real hot.

LRH: What’s that again?

PC: I’m real hot.

LRH: Continue.

PC: (laugh, panting) “I want a drink of water. I’m so hot. Phew. Get me a drink of water, cold water. Oh, so cold water.” That’s all . . .

LRH: Okay.

PC: “Oh, so cold water.” LRH: Continue.

PC: “I want a drink of oh, so cold water.” LRH: Continue.

PC: Think she leaves then. Goes in the bathroom and brings back a glass of water. Gee, the room must have been a lot different then.

LRH: You know what it’s like. Continue.

PC: God, it doesn’t seem like it’s a bedroom now. (grunt) LRH: You know what occurs.

PC: Where am I?

LRH: Hm?

PC: Where the heck am I? Where am I now?

LRH: You know.

PC: Jeez.

LRH: You have awareness of your surroundings there.

PC: Yeah, but it’s pretty small I don’t know. Is that her bedroom? File clerk says no now. Thought it was at first. It must have been.

LRH: What’s this? (pause) What’s this?

PC: I thought I was in my bedroom at first. But now I seem to get “no.” LRH: Oh I know, but you’re aware of your surroundings there. How’s the bed? Is the bed big? Small? That you’re in.

PC: Seems small.

LRH: Where’s the light in the room? Where’s the light situated in the room?

PC: Coming from the left side.

LRH: Okay. You know how. Does the bed seem small?

PC: Seems like a crib or something.

LRH: Okay. You know about this. Now, what’s going on?

PC: Oh, I’m just sick.

LRH: How about this: “He doesn’t know where he is.” (pause) “He doesn’t know where he is.” How about that? “He doesn’t know where he is.” PC: “He doesn’t know where he is. He doesn’t know where he is.” LRH: Or, “He doesn’t know what he is saying.” What is it?

PC: “He doesn’t know what he’s saying. He doesn’t know what he’s saying. He doesn’t know what he’s saying.” LRH: Continue, PC: (panting, whispers) “He doesn’t know what he’s saying.” (aloud) “He doesn’t know what he’s saying” LRH: Continue, PC: Boy, I must have been in a convulsion. “He doesn’t know what he’s saying” “The doctor come yet? Has the doctor come yet?” “No, not yet. He’s busy, he’s out on a call” All these words just flash into my mind.

LRH: Continue.

PC: I have a demon circuit on sonic nowadays. “He’s—he’s out on a call. He’s busy.” LRH: This all the same illness? It is, isn’t it?

PC: I think so.

LRH: All right. Carry it right on through to the time the doctor gets there.

PC: “He’ll be here as soon as he can. He will be here in a little while.” LRH: Continue, PC: “Just try to relax,” or something like that. “Try to relax.” LRH: Go over it again.

PC: “Try to relax. Calm down and try to relax.” (laugh) LRH: Continue, PC: “Calm down and try to relax a little.” (laugh) Boy, I tried.

LRH: Continue, PC: I’m stuck now.

LRH: Go over it again.

PC: “I’m stuck now. Can’t seem to . . .” Boy, I’m in the middle of a terrific somatic and I can’t seem to move.

LRH: “Can’t see”? (pause) Go on, you know what it is. You know what the phrase is, now One-two-three-four-five. (snap) PC: (panting) “I can’t I can’t I can’t I can’t” LRH: Can’t what?

PC: I can’t. I can’t LRH: Can’t what?

PC: “I can’t I can’t I can’t” I don’t know. “I can’t I can’t” LRH: What’s wrong with him?

PC: (panting) Hell, but I’m moving now.

LRH: What? You stuck? Is there a holder there?

PC: It seems to be. Might be. I’m not moving. And I—I must be in a convulsion or something LRH: All right. Is anybody holding you down?

PC: Feels that way.

LRH: And what are they saying to you?

PC: “Lie still. Try to lie still You’ll be all right You’ll be all right as soon as the doctor comes.” (heavy breathing) LRH: Go over it again.

PC: “Just try to lie still, you’ll be all right. You’ll be all right when the doctor comes.” LRH: Continue, PC: (deep breathing) I think maybe the doctor came downstairs or something. Seems like I hear something a long ways away. Something happened, anyway.

LRH: Continue, PC: (deep breathing) Oh, I’m getting sicker by the minute at that point LRH: Mm-hm, Continue, PC: I have pains, (exhales) LRH: What about pain?

PC: Hm?

LRH: Where does the word “pain” occur in this?

PC: (panting) Seem to get, “I hurt all over.” Where—where is the pain?

LRH: Go over it again.

PC: “Where is this pain? I hurt all over. Where is this pain? I hurt all over.” LRH: Continue.

PC: “Pain and I hurt all over.” (heavy breathing) LRH: Continue. Now what occurs?

PC: My nose is stopped up now. (sniffling) LRH: Okay. Continue.

PC: “Pain and I hurt all over. I hurt all over.” LRH: Continue. [gap] PC: Kind of weak all over. Little kid. Hm—I seem to be able to see myself a little bit on that one.

LRH: All right. You can get in your own valence.

PC: Okay, yeah.

LRH: All right.

PC: And I—it must have been the first time I could go outside. First time I can go outside after that illness, and I go out the front door and down the steps and it’s a nice summer day and the sun’s real—and the sun’s real bright.

LRH: Did you feel good?

PC: Oh, I’m fine on this one.

LRH: Yeah. What have you got?

PC: I don’t know. It must be something tied in with this one.

LRH: How’s the world look to you?

PC: Pretty good.

LRH: Okay, PC: I guess I almost didn’t see that day.

LRH: All right. Now let’s come up to a time when you are completely well, (pause) What are you doing?

PC: Well, that’s a hard one.

LRH: You know what you’re doing. You’re having fun. (pause) Sickness . . .

PC: Well with the computations on these things—it’s a wonder if I ever was well at all LRH: Why? What do you run into there?

PC: Oh, I don’t know. There must be a lot more stuff.

LRH: Mother ever tell you or make the remark that you were sick all the time or anything?

PC: I guess so. Something like “sickly.” Yeah, the file clerk’s got a lot of them, one after another.

LRH: All right. Let’s come up to a time now when—let’s come up to your tenth birthday party.

PC: Okay.

LRH: What are you looking at?

PC: Birthday cake. See it’s got ten candles. There’s one in the center, one, two, three, four, five and five in a bigger circle around the outside. Oh, now that’s eleven. What’s that doing here? One, two, three . . . Well, by God, there’s five candles there. It must be my eleventh birthday party.

LRH: There’s always one to grow on.

PC: Oh! That’s it, sure, (laugh) Jesus! I computed too hard here!

LRH: (laugh) Okay. What do you get for your birthday?

PC: Oh, let’s see.

LRH: Contact the moment you received a present.

PC: It’s a package of some kind.

LRH: Let’s open it.

PC: Why the hell does everybody shove stuff at me from the left side? Gee! Everything s been from the left today. No wonder I was left-handed, (laugh) Boy, I was, too. They had a hell of time training me to right hand. Ha. Well, there s probably something to that. Yeah, they’re giving me this present from the left side too. It’s on the table on the left side. Seems the other people there are kids, maybe. I can’t see them too closely.

LRH: You can see them. What kind of a noise are they making?

PC: Oh, why, yakkity-yak at any rate. Shrill voices. They were noisy.

LRH: What’s the present?

PC: Okay.

LRH: Do you feel excitement over this present?

PC: Ahh . . . (pause) LRH: What’s your emotion?

PC: Well, I don’t see . . .

LRH: Let’s open up the present. Let’s listen to it crackle.

PC: Okay.

LRH: Let’s open it up. Take the cover off.

PC: What the hell is it?

LRH: Take the cover off and look at it.

PC: Mmmm. There’s something funny going on here.

LRH: Why?

PC: Mmm. I had the impression that it’s something to wear. And I started to look at it. And then I got an impression of, let’s see, is that me? Yeah, very strong impression of me dressed up in something—I don’t think it’s that particular thing that I had then, though.

LRH: All right. Give me a flash answer. Is this present clothing?

PC: Damn it. I . . .

LRH: Do you like to receive clothing as a present?

PC: I’ve got something with “present” in it that brings me up all the time. I come up to present time and then sag back down again.

LRH: (laugh) Okay.

PC: Yeah.

LRH: All right. Let’s go up to the time you get your first bicycle. Is that before or after the tenth?

PC: After.

LRH: All right. Let’s look at this bicycle.

PC: Yeah. It’s the only one I ever had.

LRH: Nice bike?

PC: Yeah.

LRH: Let’s take a ride on it.

PC: Okay.

LRH: Get the kinesthesia there?

PC: Yeah, I’m going up a real steep hill. I can just barely manage to pump it up the hill.

LRH: How does it feel?

PC: Good.

LRH: Are you cheerful about it?

PC: Oh, yeah. Nothing particular. No particular worries, I guess. Guess I wasn’t cheerful very damn much of the time.

LRH: Well, let’s come forward to June 19, 1950.

PC: Okay.

LRH: June 19, 1950.

PC: Right here.

LRH: Okay. Cancelled. Five-four-three-two-one, (snap, snap) PC: Ahh. Whew!

LRH: Give me your case book. You got your case book here?

PC: No, it’s over at Ed’s.

LRH: Over at Ed’s.

PC: There isn’t too much in it. I can put—put it in. Write down something.

LRH: Well, what you want to put in it is that the—there’s that early illness, strep or whatever it is. Strep? Is that what it was?

PC: I think it was. That’s what . . .

LRH: That’s what it came through.

PC: Is that what he said, I guess?

LRH: Yeah. He said it’s strep.

PC: Or measles.

LRH: The reason I’m wondering, the only reason I wondered about it is because I don’t know whether his diagnosis was right or wrong.

PC: His diagnoses were so damn wrong on me most of the time that I suspect all of them. I remember plenty of things he misdiagnosed. When I had scarlet fever he misdiagnosed it as—maybe that’s the one he misdiagnosed as measles. And boy, I got a kidney ailment out of that one.

LRH: Yeah, you know about that. Now, let’s just remember something about this. That’s got to be carried through from the—whatever the punishment was the day before.

PC: Yeah.

LRH: On—right on through the incident.

PC: Yeah.

LRH: And basic, basic is in sight there.

PC: Yeah.

LRH: And “I could before but I can’t now,” PC: Yeah, there s a chain of them. Boy, they were coming up last night. I started asking the file clerk questions and I was getting so many answers that I had to quit for fear I’d be running these things all night long like this with nobody there to be—just . . . I ran this somatic when I got back there. I broke out in a sweat and started to get scared, so I took a sedative so I wouldn’t run this stuff all night. I knew it was right there, boy, I was in a hell of a state!

LRH: Okay, Well, of course we get the basic area, get the coitus chain. Evidently it’s a latch-up, is it?

PC: Well, there’s never in the file clerk’s . . .

LRH: What’s punishment got to do with coitus?

PC: (pause) Probably something LRH: Mm-hm. Well, you find out about that. Okay.

PC: Mm-hm.

LRH: What do you get?

PC: Yeah, there s a catch.

LRH: What is it?

PC: (chuckle) LRH: Go ahead, tell me. (pause) Tell me what it is.

PC: (laugh) Oh boy, what a beautiful reactive reasoning jeez!

LRH: What is it?

PC: Coitus is punishment when you get sick (laugh) Isn’t that lovely? Aw, jeez. (Recording ends abruptly)

[[Category:Lectures]]
[[Category:Lectures 1950]]